Hello. Been a while…some things are hard to explain. And some things shouldn’t need to be explained, if you but think about them. Melancholy? Well, maybe a bit. Do you know, when I was little, I often wished the fairies would come, like they do in books, and spirit me away to some wonderland …but they never did. But life goes on. And there’s always Mark Knopfler…remember, the dice was loaded from the start…
I have a new phone, and while I’m not really interested in what all it can do, and frankly don’t know half of what it does do, it makes certain things remarkably easy. I’m a bit old-fashioned like that, and would much rather grub about in the garden than sit on the computer, but take Pinterest, for example. I have been quite busy on Pinterest lately (its a fad, I’ll get bored with it soon), but its also a connection. I can’t help but wonder though – what does it really all mean? I always thought people who spend time on these things had no life, no books, no garden, no cats…and no one. (Having said that, I am trying to get the hang of ‘Instagram’, its all about photography, which I love, so its not quite the same thing. You’ll see my boys there… and maybe a few spiders.
Sometimes it feels a bit like being on the outside looking in… all these beautiful and hopeful things should be IN your world, not things you ‘pin’ on a virtual corkboard, things like hey, maybe someday; or never, ever forget. But, its certainly useful for nice ideas, and perhaps it has its place, if just for now. To help one remember, and to keep ones feet on the ground…or head in the clouds, depending. For now, its important to remember – and to know – that I am never reckless, as I once was. I do things right. And that’s a good thing. We grow and we learn. And besides, Sagittarians have to learn, sometimes the hard way, not to drive too fast. Sad for those left behind, but if you can make it through, then all the better.
Life, I think, is trying to teach me something which I thought I had (sort of) mastered, which is patience. But it seems I was mistaken. But I’m better at it, than I used to be. But sometimes the wondering is so hard. What it means. If it means anything at all. Someone said to me once, many years ago, ‘close your eyes and dig deep in your heart for the answer, you’ll feel it in your stomach, like a jolt’. Gut intuition, I guess. She was right though. I’ve done it many times since. But now…I’m not sure. I believe in destiny, always have. And that everything happens for a reason (just that the time was wrong).
Still, I have been busy. Bringing up boys…Aren’t they darling? Actually they can be devilish but how I adore them. How I wish for them to sink their little toes into beautiful blue waters, feel the sun on their salt-crusted skin, the delicious, heady sweetness of the fresh water from the shower, the taste that only comes with a South Coast ‘after-sea shower’, watching the sand wash off your feet in little rivers. We always used to say, ‘there is nothing quite like a shower at the coast’, and even now, sometimes when I switch my shower on, I remember, the hard gush of water on sun-kissed skin after the silky warm embrace of the ocean around my shoulders, and rough scratchy sand on the back of my legs. Someday, for sure. Someday soon. Remember the blue lines on the wall…
And writing books… The end is in sight for the new one, and it’s looking fabulous. The photo shoot started last week, and the pictures that I’ve seen so far are gorgeous. I can’t wait to see it, when its all done, its chock full of deliciously yummy things. Kept me busy, though. I wonder, will you read it? Who knows, maybe someday you’ll even make that lusciously decadent salted chocolate and burnt orange tart. It’ll be worth it, I promise.
And cats. Somehow, I’ve ended up with 4 cats. Two that are legitimately my family members – Didius and Grymalkin – but recently Rayne took in a stray kitten (now called Mungo) and his older relative (we think father, now called Gus/Buck). These reprobates, especially Gus, have just moved in, after being quite wild. Rayne and Gelyn both seem to have rather a way with cats, and even feral or street cats just gravitate to them. These two are causing a lot of trouble. My darling Dubious Cattius hates them both, actually he hates all other cats, and doesn’t want to share me at all. So many possessive men. Frankly though, I don’t really want any more cats, but who can turn them away? I have always believed that you never know what form angels (or Zen Masters) might take….
Beautiful Grym
Didius Falco (aka Dubious Cattius). Look at him, isn’t he gorgeous?
Here’s something for you, from long ago. Just a memory. I was in matric, when this fellow came along. He wasn’t very big then, but now, well, just look how he has grown, he’s taller than me. And yes, he is still in a pot, if you look closely you can see it, he has travelled around with me all over. I wouldn’t ever leave him behind.
Monstera deliciosa
So, the Sea. How I long for it, strangely at some times more than others. Like now. Especially long, luscious quiet South Coast beaches that remain in my thoughts and heart from an early age. Foraging around in rock pools, looking for treasures that skitter and hide when you come near, or glisten and shine in the sunlight, hard and cold in your hands. Part of me wants to scream and rant and rave, and that wouldn’t be right. But oh, how I want to go! But then, there’s also the part that grew up, and knows that right now, I can’t. And I guess that’s ok. But how I miss her. Soft and yielding, gentle waves warmly welcoming, with just a hint of salt and a delicious chill in the autumn air…maybe the anticipation of something wonderful to come. This is my weakness, how fortunate are those who are near her. It isn’t something I would ever take for granted again.
See, I’m all grown up now. I can’t help but wonder though, if I ever haunt those windswept, beloved shores.
‘Someone told me long ago
That there’s a calm before the storm
I know, it’s been coming for some time
When it’s over so they say,
It’ll rain on sunny days, I know
Shining down like water,
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
Coming down on a sunny day…’
Creedence
‘For he comes, the human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than he can understand.’
WB Yeats
Glorious, isn’t it? Bloody fairies! Wonder why they never came for me? I’m not sure how far I can trust my gut anymore, but for good or ill I am still in this world, and I guess that means that whatever’s meant to be, will always be.
Sweet dreams…
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